


we could be enough

by tootiredtobetough



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Canon Related, F/M, First Love, Fluff and Smut, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Love/Hate, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:48:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28530216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tootiredtobetough/pseuds/tootiredtobetough
Summary: when management forces louis to end his relationship with harry, both of their worlds fall apart. what used to be a steady, true love turns into an on and off again, strained relationship that sends them both spiraling. as the band hits a rough patch and decides to take a hiatus, louis and harry completely cut eachother off. even after years of separation, the reunion brings up feelings and memories they had tried to forget. the story starts after midnight memories and continues through their reunion.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	1. that night. H.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my very first fanfiction so go easy! i had been struggling to find a larry story like this one, so i decided to write it myself. this is canon related, but i definitely changed and created a few things for the sake of the plot. i haven't decided how many chapters it's going to be, but the story spans multiple years, so it will probably be a long one. hope you enjoy!
> 
> all the love,  
> r.

**Chapter One- that night. H.**

Harry could tell something was wrong as soon as Louis walked into the room. He normally bounced in, energy radiating off of him, ready to make everyone around him laugh. His smile on its own could make Harry’s day immediately better. So when Louis slinked through the door and took the nearest seat, Harry began to worry. That worry only intensified as Lou’s eyes remained glued to his shoes. Harry nudged Niall who was lounged on the couch next to him and jerked his head in the direction of Louis. Niall shrugged and turned back to his phone.

Maybe Harry was just overreacting, maybe Louis was just tired or something. It had been a long week of writing and studio time, trying to get the new album together before management could punish them for missing another deadline. They were supposed to be writing tonight, but with little supervision, they were blowing off steam from the week instead. Liam had basically passed out asleep as soon as he hit the couch and was still snuggled and snoring over an hour later. Niall was playing some game that kept chiming. Zayn seemed to be switching between softly going over his harmonies from the song they recorded the day before and nodding off to sleep.

All the other lads looked forward to nights like this to finally have some time to relax, but not Harry.

Harry loved nights like this because it meant time with Louis. Writing nights were the best because of the lack of management. Sure someone would stop in every hour or so to see how they were getting on, but most of the night was theirs. They could actually sit next to each other, touch each other, laugh with each other, without being separated. Harry was practically on the edge of his seat waiting for his love to enter the room, but instead of being greeted with a hug, he was completely ignored.

He tried to block it out and focus on the song in front of him. It was one he’d written about Louis. No one will ever know that of course, the pronouns would be changed and Liam would add his name to the writer’s list so management would approve it. But Harry and Louis would still know- as would a few of their more perceptive fans. He tried to add to it, but all he could focus on was Louis.

Finally with a sigh, he got to his feet and laid a hand on Louis’ shoulder. He immediately flinched and snapped his head up to look at Harry. Something was definitely wrong. Harry slid his hand down his arm and interlaced their fingers, leading him from the room. He took them further down the hall and into a smaller, cozy room. He took a seat and tried to pull Louis down next to him, but he immediately shot to his feet and crossed the room.

“Lou?” Harry couldn’t dance around it anymore, something was seriously wrong. Louis stopped his pacing as he heard his name and turned to look at Harry. “Darling, what’s wrong?”

“Hazza, I just, I can’t-” Louis’ mumbles trailed off and he returned to pacing. Harry wasn’t used to seeing Louis speechless, and he definitely wasn’t used to the look of panic in his eyes. He stood up and reached out for him, catching him and pulling him close. He could feel Louis relax, and then just as quickly tense back up and push Harry away. There were tears in his eyes. Harry’s stomach began to sink.

“Louis, what’s happened? What’s going on?” he pleaded with him. This couldn’t be happening, it must be something else.

“Haz. I’m so sorry love. I’m so sorry,” Louis’ breaths were coming shorter and his words were strained and ragged. He reached for Harry then, trying to take his hand, but Harry slapped it away.

“Don’t apologize. Just don’t do this,” Harry begged. Louis hadn’t even said the words yet, but Harry knew where this was going. He’d been dreading this day since that moment in the bathroom at X Factor. He knew that one day this boy would break him.

“I have to Haz,” Louis whimpered, reaching for Harry again.

“Just say it,” Harry demanded, crossing to get as far away from him as possible. Louis’ head dropped and he tried to collect his breath, before looking up at Harry again. His soft blue eyes were red and tear-filled and it broke Harry’s heart to see him like this.

“I think we need to end this. It’s too hard. Hiding, sneaking around, risking the band, it’s too much,” Louis almost whispered. Harry’s world came crashing down around him after the first sentence. After years of sacrificing everything for him, Louis was just giving up on them.

“Tell me the real reason. Say her name,” Harry spat at Louis, tears pouring down both of their faces.

“I want to be with Eleanor. And not just as some fake beard, I want to really be with her. I- I love her,” Louis stumbled through the words, but Harry heard it loud and clear. He loved her, not him.

“Please Lou. Please, I love you, please after everything we’ve been through don’t do this. We can do this, management can’t control us forever. Please don’t give up,” Harry was completely begging now. He crossed the room and pulled Louis to his chest. He could barely breathe. Why would Louis do this to him? How could he give up? Louis hugged Harry tightly, sounding almost as distraught as Harry felt.

“I’m sorry. You deserve better. Someone you don’t have to hide. Someone like Eleanor,” Louis cried, “You need to move on, I already have,” he finished, pulling away.

As Louis left his grip, Harry completely broke. He’s moved on. He doesn’t love him anymore. Harry stumbled backwards, collapsing as Louis closed the door behind him. He’d never experienced pain like this before. He felt like a part of him had just walked out that door with barely a second glance. Half of him was missing. The person he trusted and loved most in this world just walked out of his life for someone else. What did he do wrong? If he knew what he did wrong maybe he could fix it. Maybe he could make this right.

His head began to spin and his breaths came shorter. He tried to focus on breathing, but without Louis, he wasn’t sure if he remembered how.  
He slumped to the side, curling on the cold tile under him. He couldn’t get himself to move. If he left this room, he had to face life without Louis, but if he stayed right here, on this floor, he could pretend he still loved him back.

  
He had no idea how long he’d been there, when the door in front of him finally opened. He immediately shot up, “Lou?” he whimpered hopefully. A flash of blonde sent him back to the floor. Niall flew through the door as soon as he saw his friend.

“Harry, mate, you’re shaking,” he whispered, immediately taking a seat next to him and wrapping his arms around him. They sat like that, on the floor, Harry’s head in Niall’s lap until Harry’s breaths came regularly and the darkness on the edge of his vision faded. Niall stayed with him through it all, silently supporting him. He was sure Louis had sent him to find him, but he didn’t care. He was glad his friend was there to help him up and lead him out of the building. Niall directed Harry’s stumbling body through the parking garage and into his passenger seat.

“Stay right here mate okay? You can spend the night at mine. Let me just go grab our stuff okay?” Niall assured Harry, closing the door and jogging back towards the entrance. Harry was too drained to even answer. His body was exhausted and his mind was begging him to sleep- to shut it all off and block it out.

He tried fighting the wave of sleep weighing down on him. He tried to stay awake long enough to thank Niall and assure him that he could just drop him off at his own flat, but as his conversation with Louis played on a loop through his head he let himself drift off to a restless, exhausted sleep.


	2. that night. L.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter two! in a lot of the larry fics i've read, louis is usually made out to be the bad guy, and as a louis girl, i just can't stand for that. i think it's important to hear both sides of the story, so this fic will have harry and louis chapters. some of the dialogue will be skipped over instead of repeated, but this will be louis' view of chapter one. i promise things will get happier eventually!
> 
> all the love,  
> r.

**Chapter Two- that night. L.**

Louis had never felt this horrible. 

He’d been sick since his meeting with management earlier in the day that ended in him sprinting to the bathroom. The guilt and sadness were already tearing him apart, and he hadn’t even done it yet. 

Management had made it clear. Break up with Harry for good, or they would cut Harry out of the band. 

They had done everything they could in the past to ruin them, especially their latest attempt with Eleanor, but he never thought they’d stoop this low. They were just kids and now he was getting blackmailed into destroying the one person he cared about most. Looking back, he’d been naive. They would do anything to get their way. They should’ve known better. They should’ve hid their relationship better, or maybe they shouldn’t have even started it in the first place. 

Harry was the love of his life. How was he supposed to break his heart? 

As he pulled into the carpark another wave of nausea hit him. He was late to a writing session. Usually he loved nights like this because it meant time with Harry, but not tonight. He wished he could wait and end it later when they were alone, but he knew Harry would see through him. He usually knew something was wrong with Louis before Louis even knew. 

He’d have to do it tonight. At least if he did it here, the boys could try to make Harry feel better. Who was he kidding, nothing would make him feel better. He took a deep breath and climbed out of his car. The longer he waited, the worse it would be.

He tried to get his breathing under control as he opened the door and joined his friends. The rest of the boys were asleep or distracted, but not Harry. Harry was watching the door, clearly waiting for him to arrive. One glance and Louis couldn’t do it. He dropped his eyes to the floor and sunk into the seat right next to the door. 

The guilt was already consuming him. He studied his trainers and did everything he could to avoid looking at his love. He was going through what he should say in his head when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He immediately jerked and glanced up to see Harry staring down, obviously concerned. Harry’s hand found his, immediately intertwining their fingers like they had a million times before. Little did Harry know, this would be the last time. 

Harry led them down the hallway to a room they’d usually sneak off to to get some time alone with each other. He tried to pull him onto his lap like usual, but Louis couldn’t do it. He needed to get some space. The closer he was to Harry, the more he felt like he was suffocating. How was he supposed to do this? 

“Lou?” Harry’s soft voice cut through his jumble of thoughts. Harry knew something was wrong. His usually bright face had fallen, and he was staring at Louis like a lost puppy. All of the hurt and panic on his boy’s face was because of him. It doesn’t matter if management was the cause, at the end of the day, this was still on Louis. 

“Hazza, I just, I can’t-” he couldn’t even seem to get the words out. It was as if every bone in his body was fighting him, begging him not to hurt Harry. As Harry stood and wrapped him in a hug, Louis let himself enjoy being close to him for a few seconds. He breathed in the cologne he loved so much and nestled into his neck. But then reality hit him. No matter how badly he was about to hurt Harry, management kicking him out of the band and crushing his dream would be worse. He was doing this for him, whether Harry knew it or not. He was doing this for him. 

He pushed him away. He could hear Harry begging him to tell him what was wrong, but all he could do was apologize over and over again. Harry would never know how truly sorry he was. As Louis reached his hand out to him, he slapped it away. He hated seeing him like this, but he couldn’t drag it out any longer. 

“I have to Haz,” Louis hoped that on some level that would sink in. Somewhere deep down, he would hear him. He didn’t want to, he had to. 

“Just say it,” Harry almost spat at him. He knew what was coming. They’d both been dreading that day for years, but Louis always thought it would be the other way around. One day, when the band ended and they all went solo, he knew Harry would be a hit. Everything about Harry screamed rockstar. Not only did he have an incredible amount of talent, but he was also a genuinely amazing person. He knew Harry would become even more famous than One Direction one day, and he knew when that happened, he’d be left behind. Louis was never cut out for the spotlight. He loved to sing and being in the band had been a dream come true, but no one would pay for a ticket just to see him. When Harry finally realized that, he would realize he could do so much better. 

Years of waiting for Harry to wake up one day and leave him, and instead here he was, breaking the heart of the best person he’d ever known. He took a deep breath and looked into Hazza’s teary eyes. 

“I think we need to end this. It’s too hard. Hiding, sneaking around, risking the band, it’s too much,” Louis stumbled through the script Simon had laid out for him. As soon as the words left his mouth he would’ve done anything to take them back. He could almost see the moment Harry broke. 

“Tell me the real reason. Say her name.” 

The last thing Louis wanted to do was bring Eleanor into this. Management had really thought hiring a beard would solve all of their problems, and Eleanor really thought she could make him fall in love with her. They couldn’t have been more wrong. At first it drove a wedge between the two of them. It hurt Harry to watch Louis hold her hand and kiss her in public like they wish they could do. But eventually, it brought them even closer together. They started coming up with little gestures and jokes. They would see how much they could get away with, how much the fans would notice. They even got multiple tattoos for each other- but Simon would never know. 

And now, after all this time, all of Harry’s insecurities must’ve come rushing back. Louis was always worried that deep down Harry thought he and Eleanor were real, but this just confirmed it. He knew that he had to make it seem like he loved her. He knew that was the only way he could push Harry away for good. 

“I want to be with Eleanor. And not just as some fake beard, I want to really be with her. I- I love her,” Louis couldn’t even believe the words coming out of his own mouth. He choked over the last sentence, immediately feeling a wave of nausea hit him, but Harry heard him. Whatever last hope he had for their relationship disappeared right in front of him. The light left Harry’s eyes, the tears came faster, and his body began to physically shake.

Harry begged and pleaded and pulled Louis into another hug. Louis was completely aware that this was probably the last time he’d ever feel Harry like this, and he tried to memorize every touch. The guilt was consuming him, and he knew he had to get out of there before he took it all back. He mumbled something about deserving better and told Harry to move on before sprinting to the door. 

As he slipped out and began to close the door, he took one last look at the boy he loved. He watched him stumble and collapse to the floor in sobs. It took everything in him to stop himself from diving to the ground with him, pulling him into his lap, and apologizing for everything. Instead he pulled the door shut, and slumped against the wall adjacent. 

He was doing this for him. Over and over and over again in his head. He tried to block out the image of Harry’s heart shattering, he tried to forget everything he said to him, but he knew this day would live with him for the rest of his life. 

He staggered down the hallway on wobbly legs. He felt like he might pass out or throw up, but he couldn’t tell which. When he got to the door of the writing room, he held himself up by the handle and cleared his throat. The boys turned to look at him and immediately rushed to his side. Judging by the looks of concern on their faces, he must’ve looked a wreck. Liam immediately pulled him into a hug and Louis found himself collapsing against him. 

“Mate! What’s happened? What’s wrong?” Liam sounded completely distraught. He had never seen Louis like this before. 

“It’s not me that needs it. It’s my fault. Niall. Please, down the hall. The small room. Haz,” Louis was barely even coherent at this point, completely drowning in despair. He turned to look at Niall and the younger boy nodded, taking off quickly down the hall. 

“Harry? What did you do Louis? Did you end it?” Zayn asked, reaching out for Louis. Louis let out a sob confirming his question. 

“But why mate? You love each other,” Liam couldn’t believe what he was hearing. As Louis clung tightly to Liam’s t-shirt it became clear. “No way. There’s no way you hurt him like that. This is Simon isn’t it? This is fucking management. No, this crosses a line. I’m going over there.” 

“I’m coming with. Fuck them they can’t do this-” Zayn was cut off by Louis’ whimpers. 

“Stop, you can’t. They told me I had to break up with him, or they’d cut him out of the band. They said make it look real, or we will ruin him in the music industry,” Louis sobbed. It felt good to get the truth off of his chest. 

Liam let out a sigh and hugged him even tighter. “Jesus, Lou. I’m so sorry.” He couldn’t imagine the pain he was going through right now. 

“Harry can never know. You understand me? If he knows, he’ll try to fight back. He’ll try to choose me over his dream, and he can’t do that. I won’t take that away from him,” Louis pulled away to make sure both boys understood. They hesitantly nodded. No one wanted to see Harry in pain, but they knew Louis was right. 

“Come on, let’s get you out of here,” Liam wrapped an arm around Louis and steered him towards the door, leaving Zayn wondering if what they were doing was really worth it anymore. Liam half-carried Louis through the garage and into his car. He helped him into the passenger seat as Zayn joined them, holding their bags. 

“We’ve got to take him back to your flat, mate. I’ve never seen him like this; we can’t leave him alone,” Louis heard Zayn whisper to Liam. 

“Yeah maybe a drink and a smoke will level his head a bit and we can talk about a plan. There’s got to be a way around this right?” Liam whispered back. Louis wanted to tell him no. He wanted them to realize he had no choice, but right now, he was too exhausted to protest. 

All he wanted was to be far away from here. Far away from Harry. Maybe, just maybe, he could drink enough tonight to forget the damage he just did. All he could see was Harry’s face as he told him he loved Eleanor. All he could hear was him begging him to stay. All he could feel was their desperate last hug. He needed a bottle and he needed it soon. The only way he was going to survive this was by numbing everything. He had to forget it all. 

He just shattered both of their hearts, and he’d have to live with that for the rest of his life, but at least for tonight- he was going to drink until he barely remembered his own name.


	3. niall's couch. H.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heyyy! hope you're enjoying the story so far. it's gonna be a long road, but this one is a little happier because it's mostly a flashback. 
> 
> all the love,  
> r.

**Chapter Three: niall’s couch. H.**

Harry slumped against the couch with Niall’s help. Niall ran a hand through his spiky hair and looked down at Harry with a look somewhere between panic and pity. He hated it. Every hesitation and long glance from Niall reminded him of Louis’ words. He turned over, curled into the couch and closed his eyes. After a while, he heard Niall sigh and walk further into the flat. Harry relaxed a little, feeling less overwhelmed now that he was alone. He kept his eyes closed and tried to blank his mind. He had to keep Louis’ tear-streaked face out of his brain.

He thought back to the first time he had been on this couch. Niall had thrown a house-warming party for himself when he first got the place. Harry had thought it was just going to be something lowkey with the boys, but when he arrived, a massive party was pulsing through the space.

As he entered, Niall greeted him with a yell and a bear hug. He already reeked of booze, his hair was even wilder than usual, and his shirt was barely buttoned. Harry grinned at his mate and clapped him on the back before yelling something about getting a drink over the music and wandering further into the flat.

It was spacious and modern, but Niall’s cozy furniture made it feel more like a home. Harry pushed through a crowd of people he barely recognized and found himself in the kitchen. A bowl of some sort of mixed drink was on the counter and he shrugged and grabbed a cup. What the hell. They rarely got time to completely let loose, and he was going to enjoy every minute of it.

He took a sip of the mystery drink and felt it burn his throat. His eyes closed, and he took another sip, welcoming the feeling. Suddenly he felt two strong arms wrap around his waist. He didn’t even need to open his eyes to know who it was. Arms reaching out to find his shoulders, he pulled Louis tight to him and nuzzled into his neck.

“Hey Hazza,” Louis whispered. At the sound of his voice, Harry’s body automatically relaxed and he took a deep breath, taking in Louis’ cologne. Just as soon as the tension had left his body, he heard people walking into the kitchen and quickly dropped his arms.

He glanced at Louis to see him staring tiredly back at him with a sad smile. They stood, in awkward silence, just an arms length away from each other as the group of girls that had strolled in got their new drinks and left.

As they walked away, Louis grabbed Harry’s hand and laced their fingers together loosely, pulling him down the hallway. Harry followed without question, with Louis here suddenly the party didn’t seem all that interesting.

Louis pulled them into a bedroom- guest bedroom by the looks of it, wow Niall’s place really was nice- and closed the door behind them. He immediately fit himself back into Harry’s arms.

“I’m sorry I let go, I just didn’t know who was coming,” Harry began to apologize for pushing Louis away in the kitchen, but Louis quickly shushed him.

“Love, don't worry about it. There are so many people here and they all have cell phones, I get it. Someone could’ve seen us,” Louis whispered back sadly. Harry nodded into Louis’ hair pulling him even closer.

As they broke apart, Harry set his cup on the side table and flopped onto the bed. He was exhausted from their non-stop week of writing and recording. He knew if he laid for too long with his eyes closed he would drift off, so he turned on his back to look at Louis.

He looked so good. His hair was perfectly messy, and he knew it had probably taken him forever to get it just right. He was in dark grey joggers that fit him perfectly and cinched at the ankle just above his white reeboks. His faded white shirt matched his shoes with a blue and red stripe across the middle. But Harry’s favorite part was the sherpa jean jacket that hung loosely on his shoulders. He had stolen it from Harry back when they lived in the X-Factor house together, and he had to admit, it looked way better on him.

Harry scanned Louis up and down before trailing up to meet Louis’ eyes. God. He could stare into his eyes forever. Harry never really had a favorite color before he met Louis, but now that soft blue was all he could think about.

Louis was smiling sweetly down at Harry, hands shoved into his pockets.

“Done checking me out?” he asked cheekily and Harry threw up his middle finger in response. Louis chuckled and reached for Harry’s cup, downing the rest of it. He gave his head a shake as it went down. “Wow. Strong.”

Harry nodded. “Just wanted to forget about everything tonight, you know?”

Louis ran a hand through his hair with a grimace at Harry’s words. Harry knew he felt the same stress and pain that Harry was going through and he sat up and took Louis’ hands. Louis’ eyes fell on him and he smiled.

“Let’s do it then. How often do we actually get a proper night off?” Louis pulled Harry to his feet with a mischievous grin. Harry wasn’t sure, they had recordings tomorrow and the last time they showed up hungover, Simon kept them in the studio all night with no sleep.

As if Louis could read his thoughts, he tried to erase all his worry. “Come on, Haz. We don’t have to be in until almost lunch. Besides, I saw Liam and Niall both completely pissed. It’s one night. We need it,” he brought his hand up to Harry’s face and sweetly pressed a kiss to his lips.

How was Harry supposed to say no to him?

He let out a breath and smiled back at Louis with a nod. He stole one more kiss from his love before they headed back out to the party.

As soon as they re-entered the living room, Zayn and Liam waved them over to the couches with a yell. They settled in next to their friends and joined the chaotic drinking game Niall had created. Soon all the boys were slurring their words, draping their arms over each other, and laughing at everything in sight.

“Finally. A night just to be lads. Not Simon’s slaves,” Zayn sighed, leaning off the couch upside down. Liam reached out and tickled his stomach, causing Zayn to jerk back up with a yell and a slap. Harry loved seeing his friends like this. Letting loose and having fun instead of sleep deprived and drained.

“I’m sure we’ll get an earful tomorrow,” Niall said with a sad laugh.

“Fuck em. Fuck what they think. All I care about are you lads and our fans,” Louis shouted, jumping up to stand in his seat. He swayed, and Harry reached out to steady him. “Fuck. Simon. Cowell,” Louis enunciated each period with a new shot of liquor as the boys cheered him on.

The boys continued cursing his name with shouts as they grabbed the bottle from Louis. Louis slid back down and tucked his head into Harry’s neck. A familiar shiver ran down Harry’s spine as he felt Louis’ breath tickle his curls.

“I meant what I said. Fuck what they think. All I care about is you,” Louis murmured, accent thick from the alcohol. Harry let his head fall against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. One day, Louis could say that proudly instead of having to whisper it in his ear. One day, they’d be free.

Harry turned to look at Lou who’s blue eyes were already staring back at him. He reached up and brushed a loose strand of brown hair, fingers trailing down over his cheekbone and jawline.

“I love you, Lou,” he whispered, lips ghosting over Louis’.

Louis tugged on his shirt, leaned forward, and captured his lips in a soft kiss. He pulled back long enough to tell Harry he loved him too, and then leaned back in, deepening the kiss this time. Harry’s hands slid into Louis’ messy hair and cupped his cheek as Louis’ arm found its way around Harry’s waist, pulling him closer.

The world faded away until all Harry could feel was the buzz of alcohol, and his boy pressed against him.

Their moment was cut short as someone gave Harry’s thigh a squeeze, pulling him back to the present. Harry reluctantly broke away from Louis, giving him one more quick peck as he turned to look at the person who interrupted. Liam was looking back at him, hand still on his knee, and jerked his head at the door of the living room as a group of people came piling in. Harry let out a long sigh and nodded his thanks. He could always count on Liam to look out for them.

He turned back to Louis who was watching him sadly. His face was flushed and his lips were still red from kissing him, but now his mouth was downturned and his shoulders were slumped. Harry hated it. He hated having to hide his love for him, and he hated how defeated Louis looked every time he had to pull away.

He pulled Louis into him, throwing his arm over his smaller shoulders and nuzzling into his hair. Louis tensed and looked up at Harry with a questioning look. “I may not be able to kiss you, but they can’t take everything away from us. Zayn and Liam are hugging, why can’t we?” Harry gave him a cheeky smile. His boldness was clearly fueled by the shots, but Louis winked back at him, and curled into his chest.

The rest of the night was a blur of joking with the boys, pretending to be interested in all the girls throwing themselves at him, and cuddling with Louis.

As it got later, the alcohol in his system began to take over, and Harry knew that his choices were leave now, or wake up tomorrow on this couch. He said his goodbyes to the boys, and congratulated Niall on the new flat. As he got back to the living room, Louis was already up and waiting for him with an outstretched arm. Harry reached out and took his hand, tugging him out the door and down the stairs.

As they waited for their car to arrive, he held Louis tight against him, taking in the moment. The car ride home was quiet as they cuddled into each other, trying to make up for all the space they had to leave between them in public. By the time they got home, they were both barely awake, stumbling and leaning on each other as they finally got through their door. They quickly pulled off their clothes and fell into bed, immediately finding each other among the sea of blankets.

Harry pulled Louis back into him, arm draped over his side and nose nuzzled into his hair. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. In that moment, he knew he’d never love anyone else the way he loved his Lou. He faded off to sleep, cuddled next to the boy who would always have his heart.

Harry woke with a start.

He flew up to a sitting position and scanned the room around him. He was still at Niall’s. He must’ve passed out as soon as they got home because he was still on the couch. Niall had thrown a blanket over him and tucked a pillow behind his head, but hadn’t bothered to move him to the guest room. Probably for the best, there were too many memories in there.

Harry fumbled through the darkness as he tried to find his phone. He felt it on the ground under him and pulled it up, immediately squinting at the blinding light as he tried to frantically turn the brightness down. It was late. So late that it was technically early. He threw his phone back on the carpet next to him with a sigh.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut and dropped his head to his hands. His skull was pounding with a migraine and despite his rest, he still felt completely exhausted. Every muscle in his body felt drained and protested with every movement. His throat was sore and his eyes were burning, and he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt like this before.

He laid back down, pulling the blanket up to his chin. He had been dreaming about the first time he’d been here. It was a fun party, but all he could remember was Lou. He swallowed roughly and tried to ignore the lump building in his throat. He wasn’t sure he had any tears left, and if he did, he wasn’t going to keep wasting them on someone who gave up on him so easily.

Instead, he closed his eyes and settled back into his pillow. Maybe if he went back to sleep he’d end up in another happy memory. He’d always been someone who looked to the future- the past was over so why dwell on it? But not anymore. Now, the present felt like drowning and the future looked like darkness, so all he wanted to do was live in the memories of the last three years.


	4. liam's couch. L.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter four! hope y'all enjoy this one. writing full chapters of sadness can be a lot so i tried to add some happier moments into this one. thanks so much for the kudos and comments so far! i'm really loving this story the more i write.
> 
> all the love,  
> r.

**Chapter Four: liam’s couch. L.**

  
  


Liam unlocked the door and pushed it open. Louis stumbled inside, a half smoked cigarette dangling between his lips. He wandered into the dark room, ramming his shin into the coffee table and collapsing back onto Liam’s couch with a groan. Liam flicked the lights on.

“You alright mate?” Liam asked, turning from the light switch to look at Louis. 

Louis nodded with a grimace, rubbing his leg. “‘M fine, just forgot about the fucking table.”

“How about a drink?” Zayn suggested, coming into the flat last. Both boys quickly nodded back at him. Zayn and Liam threw some concerned glances at Louis before heading into the kitchen to find drinks.

Louis slumped back on the couch. He let his eyes fall shut and tried to ignore the overwhelming pounding in his skull. His head had been aching since his morning meeting with Simon, and he didn’t think it would stop anytime soon. A drink would help though. It always did. He heard the boys coming back into the room and opened his eyes, leaning forward, elbows on knees.

“Mate…” Liam started, running a hand down his face. He took another look at Louis and trailed off. Louis knew he must’ve looked like a complete wreck. No one really knew what to say.

“Lou,” Zayn spoke up and drew Louis’ eyes to him, “Have you eaten today?”

Louis dropped his head down. “Nah, I couldn’t keep anything down. The meeting this morning- it made me sick.”

Zayn threw a quick glance at Liam, eyebrows furrowed. Liam nodded a little in response. They were obviously worried and obviously trying to make a plan. Louis rolled his eyes.

“You lads think I can’t see you? I’m not some lost fucking puppy. Just pour some shots will you?” Louis was tired of the pity. He didn’t deserve their concern; this was his fault.

Zayn hesitated a bit. He clearly wanted to make sure Louis was okay, but Liam understood. He knew that this was what he needed right now, and he grabbed the bottle out of Zayn’s hands and plopped onto the couch next to Louis. He poured three shots, clear liquid rising to the brim of each.

“Right. Here’s to drinking until we can’t remember our names,” Liam flashed them a cheeky grin. Louis tried to force a small smile as he stubbed out his cigarette and grabbed his shot. Zayn crossed the room and dropped down on the floor in front of them, picking up his. 

Louis was relieved that they weren’t pushing him to talk. He knew he would relive today for the rest of his life, but tonight- all he wanted to do was drink it away.

They clinked glasses and threw their shots back. The vodka burned as it slipped down his throat and his eyes fluttered closed, enjoying the feeling. 

Liam hummed next to him and began pouring himself another shot. Louis opened his eyes and slid his glass over to him with a smirk.

“That’s good shit Liam,” Zayn whistled. He also dropped his glass back to the table for a refill. Liam nodded, pouring each boy another. 

Louis tipped it down his throat before the boys even had a chance to grab theirs. He caught another concerned look between Liam and Zayn, but they poured him another all the same.

A full bottle later, the boys were sprawled across the couches and chairs of Liam’s living room. Zayn and Liam were trying to see who could sing higher, voices slurring and cracking. Louis was doubled over laughing at their attempts.

His mind was empty and buzzing. The world spun if he turned his head too quickly and a pleasant warmth had spread through his body. A few more shots, and he’d crash over the edge from drunk to wasted. 

Liam reached over and shook Louis’ shoulder with a giggle.

“Still with us mate?” he laughed as he slumped down next to him and threw his arm over his shoulder.

“‘M feeling great. Fuckin needed this,” Louis smiled and leaned into his friend’s arm.

Zayn laughed from across the room, “You two look rather cozy.” His lips drew to a mischievous smirk and before they knew it, he bounded across the room and threw himself down over top of them.

Liam let out a groan and tried to shove him off while Louis and Zayn collapsed into giggles.

“Mate!” Louis whined as Zayn tightened his arms around his friends. Zayn just nuzzled his face into Louis’ neck. 

“Love you Loueeehhh!” he dragged his name out dramatically, accent thick from the shots.

Liam and Louis made eye contact over his head and nodded at each other with smiles. Liam counted them down, and they both quickly stood up, throwing Zayn off their laps. He hit the ground with a thud, and Liam and Louis high fived and laughed, sitting back down. Zayn turned to them with a fake pouty face.

“I need another shot if I’m going to deal with you two,” he complained with a hint of a smile.

“Bottle’s empty. Grab something else,” Liam held up the drained bottle, and Zayn headed into the kitchen to get more.

Louis smiled softly watching his friends interact. He wished Harry and Niall were here too. As soon as the thought crossed his mind he felt his chest tighten. He’d almost forgotten. The alcohol had almost erased the image of Harry collapsing to the ground and the sound of him begging him to stay.

He felt Liam’s eyes on him, and he turned to him, trying to force a fake smile.

“It’s alright to be sad,” Liam said, voice barely above a whisper. Louis tore his eyes away and gave him a small nod, trying to blink back the tears that were building. Just as he thought he might lose it, Zayn came stumbling back into the room holding a bottle of some sort of fruity vodka.

Liam immediately let out a yell and rolled over to shove his face into the couch.

“NO! Not that. Anything but that!” Liam shouted when he saw the bottle. Zayn and Louis turned to him with confusion.

“Mate?” Zayn asked, setting the bottle down. Liam shook his head and pushed himself further into the couch.

“Bad memories,” the simple statement was all he offered as an explanation.

“Memories? When was the last time we drank this shit?” Louis wondered aloud, grabbing the bottle to read the label. The words were fuzzy and moving, and he squinted to try to keep them still.

“New Year’s right? Maya bought a bunch of fruity stuff for the girls,” Zayn tried to sit in the chair behind him, but missed and slid to the ground with a laugh.

His statement triggered another moan from Liam. Louis rolled his eyes and yanked Liam out of the couch.

“Fuck’s sake man what is wrong with you,” he tried to shake his friend out of it. Liam slumped forward, head in hands.

“It was New Year’s Eve. I couldn’t find Maya so I was checking all the rooms, and-” he trailed off.

“And?” Zayn prodded him to keep going. Liam looked up at them. His cheeks were red from embarrassment.

“And- I opened one door, and the room was, um, occupied,” he managed. Louis laughed at him.

“You walked in on people fucking?” Louis couldn’t contain his giggles. Liam seemed so uncomfortable.

“Louis. I walked in on you fucking Harry,” he finally sputtered out. Zayn howled in laughter, falling back onto the rug. Now it was Louis’ turn to be embarrassed. Louis covered his face with his hands and felt the burn in his face.

“Full on fucking. Completely naked. Saw you both. You two were obviously too preoccupied to even notice I walked in,” Liam was spilling the truth now, only making Zayn laugh even harder.

Eventually, Louis’ embarrassment crumbled, and he joined in. They all laughed until their stomachs were cramping and tears were building in their eyes. 

As they finally calmed down, Louis’ face began to fall to a sad grimace. “Well, at least you don’t have to worry about that ever happening again.”

The other two boys’ laughter immediately trailed off until silence filled the room. Louis shouldn’t have said anything. He always managed to ruin things. He began to apologize, but before he could get the words out, Zayn cut in.

“I hate him. I hate Simon. Never thought I could genuinely hate a person, but I do,” he admitted.

“The only good thing he ever did was put us together,” Liam added, quietly. Silence filled the room again.

“I know you lads have your own problems and struggles with him. I’m sorry you keep having to deal with mine too,” Louis tried to make eye contact with each of them, stressing his sincerity.

“Don’t apologize. We just want you to be happy. Both of you.”

Louis nodded back at Liam. He appreciated their support, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was dragging them down too.

“You know the worst part? They’ve finally figured it out,” Louis laid back on the couch and stared at the ceiling. He swung his legs up and rested them in Liam’s lap. Liam turned his head from it’s resting spot on the back of the sofa to throw Louis a confused look.

“Figured what out?” he asked.

“How to break us. After all these years, they’ve finally got it,” Louis whispers. His throat was tight with emotion. He could barely get the words out without crying, and that’s the last thing he wanted to do right now. He had no right to feel sad; this was his fault.

Zayn was laying down, hands behind his head, on the opposite side of the coffee table. He turned to look at Louis.

“How?” he didn’t want to push him, but he knew he needed to talk. Louis let out a long sigh.

“I don’t care what they do to me, you know what I mean? They’ve threatened my fucking career. They’ve cut my checks. They’ve refused to accept songs I’ve written. They’ve cut my solos. They’ve told other producers and writers that I’m difficult to work with. They even forced a fucking beard on me. They’ve made me parade around and pretend to love her, all while hurting Harry. They’ve done everything they could think of, and nothing has worked,” now that Louis was finally talking, everything was spilling out.

“I will always choose Harry. Fuck my career, fuck my happiness, all that matters is him. I would give up everything for him. If they told me today that I could be with him if I left the band, I’d do it. I would give up my dream for him because now, the only dream that I care about is marrying him one day. I will always choose Hazza. Always,” tears were streaming down his face, but he couldn’t stop. His voice cracked and slurred, but he kept his eyes on the ceiling and pushed through.

“But they finally figured it out. All this time they’ve been going after me, but now they’ve realized I don’t care about myself, I only care about him,” his sentence trailed off to a whimper, and he tried to take deep breaths to keep himself from sobbing.

“So today, instead of coming after you like usual, they went after Harry,” Liam concludes, hands squeezing Louis’ ankles to try to show some comfort.

“And it worked. You’ll do anything to protect him, even if it means pushing him away,” it was like Zayn was reading the thoughts crossing through Louis’ mind. Louis nodded frantically and took another shaky breath.

“This is all Harry’s wanted to do his whole life. He was born for this. I got lucky, you know what I mean? I wouldn’t have made it through bootcamp on my own. I was good enough for the band, but the band would’ve been fine without me,” Louis continued, speaking louder to drown out Liam and Zayn’s protests at his self deprecation.

“But not Harry. We wouldn’t have made it without him. Watching him on stage is my favorite thing in the world. He was fucking born for it. You can see it. His voice is on a next level. He can write like it’s the easiest thing in the world. He owns the stage. You can see how confident he’s gotten and now when he steps on the stage everyone is hypnotized. The fans are in love with him. And I am too,” he couldn’t help but smile as he thought about Harry. Seeing him own the stage made Louis love him even more- if that was possible.

“I can’t take this away from him. This is what he was meant to do. The world deserves to hear his music. I won’t let them ruin him,” Louis finally sat up, and stressed each word as he looked back and forth between the boys.

Liam and Zayn glanced at each other quickly.

“None of us want to see that happen. We all love Harry, and he’s an amazing musician,” Liam slowly began to speak, “but, you said you’d give up your career for Harry, and maybe he feels the same way.”

Louis immediately shook his head and cut him off. “No, no absolutely fucking not. He would. Of course he would, he’d give it up for me. But I won’t let him. He has to follow his dream. I will not get in the way of it, and I won’t let him throw it away. Not for me.”

Zayn sighed and ran a hand over his face. 

“I get it Louis, I do. You want to protect him. But, I don’t think it’s fair to make this decision for him. You have to tell him the truth. He needs to know why you ended things. You pushed him away without letting him have a say in the matter,” Zayn was holding eye contact with Louis, trying to make him understand.

Louis shot up to unsteady feet. “No. I’m sorry, but no. I would rather hurt him and have him hate me, then let him ruin his life for me. Please don’t tell him. Don’t or I swear you’ll fucking regret it.”

Louis was drunk, sad, and frustrated that his friends couldn’t see why he was doing this. What would they do in his position? Would they really let Maya and Gigi give up everything for them? 

Liam stood up and pulled Louis into a tight hug.

“Of course not mate. We won’t tell him,” Liam felt Louis relax into him as he spoke. “I’m just so sorry you’re going through this Lou. I’m so sorry we signed away all of our rights at the beginning of this. I’m so sorry we were so naive. You shouldn’t have to lose your soulmate just because Simon is too worried about bad press. I’m so sorry.”

Louis’ body was shaking as he began sobbing at Liam’s words. He tried to never let him feel sorry for himself, but sometimes life just seemed so damn unfair.

Zayn joined the hug, resting his head on Louis’ shoulder. 

“I know it seems impossible right now mate, but we will figure something out. I promise.”

Louis knew they were trying to make him feel better, but there was nothing they could do. Simon owned them. He always would. 

Louis pulled away after one last squeeze, and gave his two friends a soft smile. Liam was right. Simon brought him his four best friends, and that’s the one thing he’d always be grateful for. 

“Shots?” he asked with a weak chuckle. He wiped his eyes as his friends grinned back at him and reached for the bottle. Zayn filled each glass and they clinked them together, throwing them back.

Liam shuddered and closed his eyes in a grimace.

“Oh come on Li. It’s not that bad,” Zayn rolled his eyes and poured them another. Liam shook his head and opened his eyes.

“It’s not the alcohol. As soon as I tasted it, all I could see was Louis’ bare fucking ass.”

Louis nearly dropped his glass as he and Zayn died laughing at their friend’s misery.

“Come on you know you loved it. I bet I looked fit,” Louis was enjoying making Liam even more uncomfortable.

“Well, Harry was clearly enjoying it so I guess that’s all that matters,” Liam muttered, causing Louis and Zayn to dive into another round of laughs, “You’re not nearly as embarrassed as you should be about this.”

“Why should I? I know we looked hot,” Louis shrugged confidently, throwing back another shot. Liam groaned and ducked his head down again.

“Please stop. I’m gonna have to go back to fucking therapy,” Liam complained. Zayn shoved his shoulder and poured him another shot with a smile.

Many shots and jokes later, the boys were sprawled across the couches again. Zayn was passed out completely, cuddled into his hoodie. His fingers were still gently wrapped around his shot glass, and his slow, quiet snores filled up the silent room.

Liam and Louis were laid on each L of the sectional sofa. Louis’ head was propped on Liam’s chest as Liam ran his fingers through his messy hair. Louis had always valued their friendship, and Liam always knew exactly how to make him feel better. He knew if he managed to survive this, it would be because of Liam.

“Thanks for everything Li,” Louis whispered, barely loud enough for Liam to hear. 

“Don’t even mention it,” he mumbled back. Louis could hear the alcohol and exhaustion taking over Liam’s voice. Louis let his eyes settle closed and let out a big sigh. The alcohol had numbed his brain at this point and thoughts of Harry had been buried by each shot. As he slowly felt himself begin to drift to sleep, he felt Liam shift under him.

“Just so you know, I’m still traumatized,” Liam whispered, bringing a smile to Louis’ face.

“You loved it,” he teased back, words slow and soft. 

He felt his body relax and let the alcohol rush through his brain. He took a few more deep breaths and felt himself falling fast. Sleep overtook him and the sadness and tension of the day washed away, leaving him cuddled with his friend, finally at peace.


	5. morning meeting. H.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter fiveee! can't believe 300 people have seen this story. i really hope y'all are enjoying it!
> 
> all the love,  
> r.

**Chapter Five: morning meeting. H.**

  
  


Niall shook Harry’s shoulder roughly, drawing him out of his slumber.

“Wot,” Harry muttered, accent thick from sleep.

“Sorry to wake you mate. I’m leaving for the management meeting in ten minutes. Didn’t want you to wake up to me gone,” Niall quickly explained.

Harry sat up slowly. He rubbed his eyes and stretched, trying to shake off his exhaustion. It felt like he hadn’t slept at all. He had been tossing and turning all night thinking about Louis.

“Alright, give me a minute to get ready,” Harry mumbled, running a hand through his hair to try to tame it.

“To get ready? Mate…” Niall sat on the edge of the couch next to him and glanced at him with a frown.

“Mate it looks like you didn’t get any sleep. You’ve been through hell. No one would blame you for sitting this one out.”

Harry shook his head. “No. No, I need a distraction. I can’t think of anything worse than being stuck here alone with my thoughts,” Harry admitted, dropping his head sadly. Niall gave his shoulder a squeeze.

“Alright, if you’re sure,” Niall shrugged and stood up. He headed up the stairs towards his room and yelled down that he was going to find him some new clothes.

As soon as Niall left, Harry collapsed back down again. He’d barely been awake a minute, and he could already feel the pressure in his chest and the tightness in his throat. His eyes still burned from all the crying and every muscle in his body felt tight. Every movement was a reminder of the night before.

He wasn’t sure if going to the meeting was a good idea. The last thing he wanted to do was see Louis. He couldn’t even think about the satisfied look that would probably be on Simon’s face as he realized that all of his bullying finally broke them. But he knew he couldn’t stay here alone with the memories.

Niall came bounding back down the stairs and held out a stack of clothes for Harry. 

“Might want a quick shower mate. We can be a few minutes late, I don’t mind,” Niall gently pulled Harry up from the couch. He just wanted to help his friend, but he didn’t know how. Harry gave him a small smile and nodded as Niall led him to the bathroom.

Harry quickly entered and switched the shower on. He actively avoided looking in the mirror and instead focused on undressing and showering as quickly as possible. He didn’t want any more attention drawn to him by being late. All he wanted was to slink in and sit in the back. He was sure the other boys would take the lead and let Louis and Harry coast by.

He was done in record time and pulled on the clothes Niall had left him. It was a simple stack of black joggers, a green patterned t-shirt, and a blue pullover. It wasn’t an outfit he’d pick out for himself, but Niall was doing the best he could for the taller man.

He smiled to himself as he threw on the hoodie. He was very lucky to have a friend like Niall. He always loved him, but in moments like this, he truly realized he probably couldn’t live without him.

As Harry left the bathroom, dressed and ready, he made sure again to avoid the mirror. One look at himself and he knew he’d lose it.

He stepped back out into the hallway and headed to the couch in search of his Vans. He shoved his feet into them and followed Niall out the door.

They silently headed into the private parking area and climbed into Niall’s car. Simon didn’t like the boys to drive- “We pay people for that”- but they all preferred it. It gave them a few moments of normalcy.

Before Harry knew it, they were pulling into the garage outside of Syco. Harry took a shaky breath and closed his eyes. It was just a few hours. He could sit through a few hours.

Niall’s hand found Harry’s. “You don’t have to go in if you don’t want to. Take the keys, I’ll get a ride back,” Niall offered.

Harry smiled at his friend but shook his head.

“I can’t avoid it forever. Just stick close to me will you?” Harry knew that without Niall’s support, he’d definitely fall apart. Niall nodded.

“Of course Haz,” he smiled at him as they got out of the car. Harry cringed at the nickname. Louis had started it and though the boys had all come to call him that too, it would always be Lou’s name for him.

He tried to shake those thoughts out of his head as he trailed after Niall. Stepping into the building, he immediately felt tense- and not because of Louis. This place and these people had somehow given him the best opportunities of his life, while also taking almost everything away from him.

He wished they’d all been stronger when they finished X-Factor. They were young and naive and promises of being the next big boy band distracted them from the fine print. Now, years later, Simon owned them and there was nothing they could do about it.

Harry noticed Niall visibly tense too as he hit the button for the meeting floor. They’d been here a million times, but instead of it feeling like home, it just felt like prison.

They rode up in silence. Harry could see Niall glancing at him every once in a while. He knew his friend was worried, and honestly he should be. Harry was doing everything he could to swallow back the tears that were beginning to build, but he just couldn’t stop replaying last night in his head over and over again. When it felt like the dam was finally about to break, the elevator dinged and he stepped out, taking a deep breath to get himself together.

Harry followed Niall down the long hallway to the huge corner meeting room they usually occupied. Liam and Zayn were already there, lingering outside. Zayn noticed them approaching and immediately hit Liam’s shoulder to get his attention.

He saw both of their faces fall into sadness as their eyes scanned Niall and then fell on Harry. Seeing his friends’ hearts break for him was almost too much.

They came to a stop in front of the two men, and Zayn immediately pulled Harry in for a hug. He didn’t say anything, he just rubbed his back and squeezed him tight. When he let go, Liam took his place.

Harry’s eyes filled with tears as his friends tried to console him.

“Don’t worry. He’s not here,” Liam whispered into his ear before he pulled away. Harry nodded slightly.

Relief flooded his body, but that feeling was quickly replaced by sadness and guilt. Harry had never felt relieved to not be seeing Louis before. For four years, he looked forward to seeing him everyday and in one night, that had all changed.

“Maybe we should sit?” Niall suggested as he watched Harry’s face change. He didn’t know what he was thinking about, but it wasn’t good.

They entered the room and took their seats. Zayn and Niall sandwiched Harry, with Liam sitting on the other side of Niall. Management wasn’t there yet, so they still had a chance to breathe.

Zayn took Harry’s hand and slowly stroked circles with his thumb. He didn’t need to say anything, Harry knew that that meant he was there for him if he wanted to talk. He gave Zayn a soft smile, squeezed his hand, and turned back to the window, lost in thought.

He heard Niall and Liam start talking to each other in hushed tones, but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to snap back to reality. However, after multiple mentions of his name, he forced himself to listen.

“So Harry stayed at yours last night?” Liam asked, voice barely above a whisper. They clearly wanted to check in with each other, thinking Harry was still zoned out.

“Yeah, and Lou was with you?” Niall asked. Liam nodded.

“Yeah me and Zayn kept him company,” Liam explained. Niall rolled his eyes with a chuckle.

“Kept him company? You mean got shit-faced with him? You two look fucking hungover,” Niall teased Liam, but then got serious, “How bad was he, really?”

Liam hesitated. “I’ve seen him drink away his problems plenty of times, but last night was a new level. I’m really worried about him.”

“Fuck. We didn’t even drink at all. He was so exhausted, I dragged him to the couch and he immediately passed out. I left him there to sleep, though judging from how he looks today, it doesn’t look like he did,” Niall was running his hands through his hair in frustration.

“Where is he?” Niall asked.

“At my flat. We didn’t want to leave him alone, but he kept insisting. He didn’t want to make Harry feel any worse, and he was afraid if he saw Simon, he’d kill him,” Liam dropped his voice to an even lower whisper. Harry had to strain to hear him over the soft music playing through the room.

“I told Harry to stay back, but he seemed terrified to be alone. I just hope Simon keeps his fucking mouth shut today,” Niall grimaced at the thought.

He turned to glance at Harry before asking his next question. Harry kept his eyes fixed on the window in front of him. He knew they’d stop talking if they thought he was listening, and he needed all the details he could get.

“Did he tell you why he did it?” Niall’s voice was barely audible at this point as he muttered the question. Liam nodded. His eyes cut up to Harry.

“Later,” he promised, jerking his head in the direction of Harry. Niall nodded, sliding his hand over Liam’s arm and giving it a squeeze. Their conversation clearly over, he turned back to Harry and nudged him.

“Just let us take lead today okay? Don’t worry about it. You’re here. That’s enough,” Niall reassured Harry. He smiled at him and nodded.

Just as the words had left Niall’s mouth, Simon strolled into the room. He was flocked by a group of men in suits. Each boy snapped to attention. Tension immediately filled the room.

Simon took his seat, directly across the table from them, and plastered on a sneer.

“Boys,” his deep voice filled the room. Harry could actually see Niall and Zayn flinch at the sound of his voice.

“Good to see you all. And where might Mr. Tomlinson be?” his dark eyes scanned each boy slowly before noticing the empty chair.

“Wasn’t feeling well. We’ll fill him in,” Liam spoke up.

“Hungover I expect. Amazing how our oldest member still acts like a rowdy teen. I’ll speak with him,” Simon’s voice was dripping with bitterness. Harry tensed at his words. He hated how Simon talked about Louis.

“Doing alright Harry?” Simon frowned at Harry. His voice was dripping with fake concern and sarcasm as he tilted his head at Harry.

Hatred coursed through his veins. Of course Simon already knew what happened. The satisfaction on his face was sickening. Harry literally felt a wave of nausea crash down on him as Simon’s frown twitched into a smirk. Before Harry could respond, Zayn flew to his feet.

He lunged across the table with a yell. “You happy now you sick bastard? Happy you convinced two kids that their love was wrong? Huh? Fucking happy?” Zayn had lost it. He was screaming at Simon as Niall and Liam desperately tried to hold him back.

Simon jumped to his feet in shock at Zayn’s outburst. He backed up into the wall behind him. His hardened face broke for a second, and Harry could tell he was genuinely scared of the rage coming off of the boy in front of him. Within seconds though, he plastered a smirk back onto his face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he spat back at him, “And if you can’t control yourself, you need to leave.”

Liam roughly shoved Zayn back into his seat. “Chill the fuck out. He’s not worth it.”

Zayn shook his head and slammed his hand into the table, but stayed seated all the same. Harry slumped back into his chair and dropped his head to his hands. He couldn’t breathe. He felt like his whole world was falling apart around him.

He tried to take a deep breath, but it felt like nothing was getting to his lungs. Tears started to sting his eyes and panic filled his body. He couldn’t breathe.

Harry looked up and made eye contact with Liam. Liam’s eyes widened at his facial expression.

“Go,” Liam insisted, nodding towards the door. Harry reached shaky hands out, and pushed his chair back. He stumbled out of his chair and focused on the door. He heard someone say his name, but the sound around him was muffled.

He reached the door and busted through. The cool hallway air hit his reddened face as he staggered down the hallway. He turned the corner and let himself collapse to the ground.

Harry leaned his back against the wall and pulled his knees to his chest. He was sweating and shaking, and his head dropped roughly to the tops of his knees. It was like there was no oxygen around him. His breaths were shallow wheezes. His chest was tight, and he began to feel lightheaded. His panic attack was quickly becoming an asthma attack. He felt like he was dying. Harry’s eyes fell shut and shaky breaths and sobs wracked his body. Suddenly, he felt hands on his face, pulling it up. Crouched in front of him, was a blurry figure he could barely see through his tears.

“Hazza? Haz, breathe. Come on, focus on me,” Louis’ voice cut through his panic. He knew that sound anywhere. He tried to focus on the man in front of him, and slowly he became clearer. His face was tight with worry, and his hands grasped his cheeks tightly, keeping Harry’s eyes on him.

“Good. Good, there you go. Breathe baby. In and out.”

Harry tried to motion to his lungs, pumping his fingers in the air to signal he needed his inhaler. Louis nodded quickly, and started digging through his jogger pockets. Moments later, he was holding his blue inhaler. Louis rarely left the house without it after Harry had an asthma scare one day on X-Factor. He placed it between his lips and waited for Harry to breathe in and pressed down.

Harry let the medicine run down his throat and into his lungs. After another minute or two, he felt strong enough to take the inhaler from Louis and hit it again. Louis was still crouched in front of him, resting his hands on his knees.

Harry had no idea how long it had been, but eventually he got his breathing back under control. He opened his eyes and looked at Louis fully for the first time.

Louis looked terrible. Harry wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him this bad. He had deep, dark circles under his eyes. His eyes themselves were completely bloodshot and red-rimmed. His hair was matted and stuck in different directions, and he was still in the same clothes from last night.

Last night. The thoughts came rushing back with a bang, and tears began collecting in his eyes. What was he doing here? Louis reached out and wiped a tear away from Harry’s cheek.

“Please. Please don’t cry Haz. I’m sorry, I was supposed to meet Simon here after the meeting. I was trying to give you space, but when I saw you here, I couldn’t just leave you,” Louis quickly tried to explain his presence. His eyes met Harry’s for a second, but quickly dropped back to the ground.

“Simon. He was so-” Harry’s broken voice whispered. He searched for the right word, “Proud. He was so proud that he finally broke us.”

He could see the pain in Louis’ eyes. Louis pulled his hands back and ran them through his hair. Harry could tell he was trying to hold back tears. He was biting his lip and swallowing hard. His eyes stayed fixed on the ground between them.

“I’m so sorry,” Louis whispered the sentence over and over again. Harry let his head slump back to the wall.

“Then why’d you do it?” He asked quietly. Louis’ eyes snapped up to Harry’s. He hesitated. He began speaking, but cut himself off and dropped eye contact again.

Harry reached out and tilted his chin up. He could see the tears in Louis’ eyes and he knew his eyes looked the same. Without thinking, he leaned forward. His hand snaked to the back of Louis’ neck, and he pulled him into him.

Their lips met gently, barely ghosting over each other. Harry pulled back slightly. Louis closed his eyes, tears streaming out of them now, and Harry leaned in again. He kissed him harder now, trying to communicate every feeling he had through his kiss. Louis kissed him back with just as much passion, his hands finding Harry’s hair.

Harry pulled Louis into his lap, and ducked his head into his neck, kissing and sucking his way down one side. Louis pulled him back up into a searing kiss that pushed Harry’s head back against the wall. Louis’ hands were running up and down Harry’s chest, gripping his face and pulling his hair.

“Har-”

Harry and Louis separated quickly and jumped to their feet. Niall was standing further up the hallway with a confused look on his face.

“The meeting is over; I came to see if you were okay,” Niall was quietly explaining. “But, I guess you’re fine,” he threw a look at Louis.

Louis was running his hand through his hair nervously. He glanced sadly at Harry. Harry met his eyes and turned back to Niall. Harry had never been more confused. Niall looked back and forth between them, shaking his head.

“Liam was looking for you,” Niall muttered to Harry. Harry nodded and slowly headed towards Niall and around the corner. He turned back to glance at Louis one last time. Louis had his hands shoved in his hoodie pocket, and his eyes were fixed on the ground. He seemed genuinely as upset as Harry.

Harry shrugged at Niall as he passed. He couldn’t read Niall’s facial expression, but he knew it wasn’t good.

“You coming?” He asked Niall when he realized he wasn’t following him. Niall shook his head.

“No, no I need to talk to Lou. I’ll meet you back home, yeah?” Niall gave him a small smile, and turned back to Louis.

Harry found his way back to the meeting room. Thankfully, Simon was gone. The room was empty except for one boy. Liam was relaxed in a chair, with his feet kicked up on the table.

Liam noticed Harry at the door and stood. Harry walked right into Liam’s chest, almost collapsing into Liam’s arms. Liam hugged him tightly.

Harry was filled with so many feelings he didn’t understand. Did that kiss mean anything? Did it change anything?

Liam pulled him to the couch in the back of the room.

“Louis is here,” Harry quietly admitted, staring at his hands in his lap. He fiddled with his rings as he waited for Liam’s response.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Liam’s question finally came after a moment of silence. Harry looked up at Liam and shook his head. Liam gave his squeeze a shoulder and nodded back.

“Okay. So I’ll just catch you up on the meeting, yeah?” Liam suggested. Harry relaxed back against the sofa.

“So as we expected- the album is finally out, which means the tour starts soon. We have writing sessions of course for the next little bit, but the bottom line is we leave for tour in like two weeks,” Liam grimaced.

“Two weeks? Fuck,” Harry’s eyes widened. That was an even faster turnaround time than the last one.

“I know, it’s quick. We tried to push it, but they said the schedule was already set. We’ve got a lot of free time for our families in the next week, then it’s back to writing sessions for the new album, then we leave,” Liam explained with a groan.

“I’m so tired of them running our lives like we’re robots or something. This’ll be four albums in four years. It’s non-stop,” Harry let his head fall into his hands.

“I know. Trust me, I know,” Liam quietly agreed with him. They sat in comfortable silence for a minute before Harry spoke again.

“A whole tour with Louis,” Harry mumbled. He didn’t even really realize he’d said it out loud until he felt Liam’s hand on his leg.

“We’ll make it through. We always do,” Liam assured him. “Need a ride?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah, Niall went off with Louis,” he explained.

“Alright, well it’s just us. Zayn stormed off when the meeting ended, think he needed to get as far away from Simon as possible,” Liam got up and started heading to the door.

“Is he okay? Honestly?” Harry asked, following quickly behind Liam. Liam turned to Harry with a sad expression on his face as they reached the elevators.

“Are any of us really okay?”


	6. morning meeting. L.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> chapter six! this is the longest one yet! i like it a lot, and i really hope y'all like it too. so sorry this update took forever! i know i said it would be a day or two in the comments but it ended up being a busy week. speaking of comments- thank you so so much for the comments and kudos, it makes me so happy to know someone else is enjoying the story!
> 
> all the love,  
> r.

**Chapter Six: morning meeting. L.**

  
  


Louis shot awake as a pillow crashed into his face. He whirled around to see Liam doubled over laughing from the chair next to him.

“Wake up,” Liam said innocently. Louis groaned and threw the pillow back at Liam. He collapsed back into the sofa as Liam easily caught the pillow.

Louis’ head felt like it was splitting open. This hangover was hitting him like a ton of bricks.

“What time is it,” Louis grumbled. He threw an arm over his eyes to block out the light streaming in from the windows.

“A bit after 8. We need to leave for morning meeting soon,” Zayn answered his question as he came shuffling into the room.

“God, you look like shit,” Louis laughed from the couch as he looked at Zayn. Liam started cracking up next to him, and Louis turned his head. “What are you laughing at? You don’t look any better.”

Zayn was slumped against the doorway in exhaustion. His wet hair was stuck in weird directions and plastered to his forehead. His hoodie hung off his body, and his jeans cuffed just above his Vans.

Liam was sprawled in the chair next to Louis. His eyes were closed, and his head was resting against his hand. He had bags under his eyes, and his all-grey sweatpant-sweatshirt combo just added to his tired demeanor.

Louis was snapped out of his thoughts as Liam threw another pillow his way.

“We definitely look better than you,” Liam snapped back, “God I’m so hungover.” He groaned and leaned back against the chair again.

“Yeah mate you need a shower. Hurry up though, we have to leave soon,” Zayn agreed as he plopped down in the other chair and tossed a pile of clean clothes at Louis.

Louis nodded and slowly sat up. His head was absolutely killing him, and his neck ached from passing out on the couch. He wobbled to his feet and wandered further into Liam’s house.

“Where are you going? Guest bath is the other way,” Liam yelled after him.

“Guest bath? Absolutely not, I’m using your fancy shower with the jets,” Louis shouted back, wincing at the volume.

“Shithead stay out of my room!”

Louis laughed to himself as he turned into Liam’s bathroom. His laughter quickly died down as he glanced in the mirror to see his tired eyes staring back at him. Liam was right, he looked horrible.

He tore his eyes away from his exhausted reflection and choked down the bile that was rising in his throat. He couldn’t bear to look at himself.

He pulled his clothes off and stepped into the shower. The freezing water hit him with a shock as he tried to wake himself up a little.

He had to be awake and aware in meetings with Simon. He was always trying to lie, trick, or manipulate them, and Louis knew it was on him to speak up. He was the oldest, and he needed to protect the rest of the boys. Simon hated him anyways, he might as well take the brunt of it.

Simon. The name had barely passed through his head before Louis’ jaw was clenched, and his breath was strained. For two seconds, he’d forgotten. He had always hated Simon, but for a brief moment, he’d forgotten what Simon had just made him do.

The alcohol had done its job. Last night was a haze of joking with his friends and hammering shots until the bottle was empty. It had even given him a moment of peace this morning. With a headache pounding through his skull and pain spreading through his body, the effects of the bottles from last night had suppressed his thoughts of Harry.

But with one mention of Simon, it all came rushing back. Simon’s smirk as he threatened Harry’s career. The cold bathroom tile that Louis had crumpled on, sick from grief. The look of hurt and betrayal in Harry’s eyes. The moment Louis could literally see Harry’s heart break when he said her name. The sound of Harry’s body hitting the floor as he collapsed in sobs.

Louis gritted his teeth together as his hands shook at his sides. He dug his fingernails into his palms in tight fists, trying to use the pain to ground him. Each image flashed through his head over and over again. His mind was torturing him and worse, he knew he deserved every second of pain.

His hand flew up as he started slamming his fist into the wall over and over again. He felt his knuckles splitting as each punch began leaving a smear of red on the tile. The shower water washed it away as quickly as it appeared, and the red water swirled around his feet.

The thoughts began to disappear from his mind as pain took over his senses. His trance was broken as he heard banging on the door.

“Louis! Louis, what’s the sound?” Liam was yelling through the closed door between them.

“Mate you okay?” Zayn’s voice overlapped with Liam’s. He could hear the panic in their voices as their banging shook the room.

Louis rinsed his stinging hands, reached over and quickly shut off the shower. He rested his forehead against the tile.

“I’m fine,” he managed to reply. The banging stopped and quiet filled the room for a few moments.

“Mate. Open the door,” Zayn’s voice was firm and sincere. Louis shook his head. His throat was closing up. Tears were pricking his eyes, but he tried to blink them back. He didn’t deserve to feel sad. Guilt. That was the only emotion he deserved.

“Open it,” Zayn repeated, calmly. Louis reached out to grab the pile of clean clothes. His shaky fingers wrapped around the sweatpants as he pulled them to him. He whimpered as his bruised, weak hands gripped the waistband as he put them on.

He took a deep breath and unlocked the door. The click had barely rung out before Liam yanked the door open. Before Louis knew it, both boys were at his side. Liam reached out to pull him into a hug, but Louis pushed him away. As his hand connected with Liam’s shoulders, Zayn let out a breath.

“What did you do Louis?” Zayn grabbed Louis’ hands before he could hide them in his pockets. Louis knuckles were split and bleeding, and bruises were already deepening across his hands and fingers.

Louis yanked his hands back and bit his lip. He couldn’t get the words out to explain himself so he just slumped back against the wall behind him and squeezed his eyes closed. The wall was cool against his bare back. He opened his eyes and looked over at Zayn and Liam.  They both had frowns fixed on their faces, and their eyebrows were knitted in concern.

“Why are you looking at me like that? Stop looking like you fucking pity me,” Louis’ hoarse voice muttered angrily.

“It’s not pity, mate. We’re sad for you, we’re angry for you,” Liam explained. He ran his hand over his face roughly and took in a shaky breath as he put his hand on Louis’ shoulder.

Louis scoffed and shook his head. He tore his eyes off his friends and fixed them on the ceiling, flinching as he felt Liam’s hand land on his shoulder.

“You know this isn’t your fault right?” Zayn asked slowly. Louis glanced at Zayn’s face of realization and closed his eyes again. Of course they didn’t understand.

“This isn't on you. This is Simon,” Zayn continued. Louis could hear him trying to emphasize each word.

"Oh is it? Was it Simon who looked Harry in the eyes and told him he didn’t love him? Was it Simon who told Harry that he’d rather be with Eleanor? Yeah, didn’t think so,” Louis spat the words at Zayn and shoved past them. He stormed back into the living room and dropped on the couch. His eyes were starting to burn, and he desperately choked back the hitch in his throat.

He thought his words would stop the boys in their tracks, but instead Zayn came stomping in after him. His eyes were narrowed at Louis, and he came to a stop in front of him with his arms crossed.

“Listen the fuck up,” Zayn’s voice was raised, and it caused Louis to snap to attention. Outbursts of anger were rare from the quiet boy.

“This is NOT your fault. You would never choose to hurt Harry. This is Simon. This is management. I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it must’ve been to have to leave Harry, but at the end of the day- you had to. You didn’t choose to. This is going to be hard enough without you beating yourself up and blaming yourself for this,” Zayn held Louis eye contact as he explained exactly how he felt.

Louis' eyes filled with tears at his friend’s sincere words.

“You didn’t see how he looked at me. I broke him,” Louis whimpered quietly. Zayn’s face fell into a sad frown and he dropped to his knees in front of Louis, taking his face in his hands.

“I know you hate yourself for what you had to say to him. Just please remember that you didn’t have a choice,” Zayn searched Louis’ eyes, trying to make him understand.

Louis nodded and dropped his head to Zayn’s shoulder with a sob. Zayn rubbed his hand in slow circles on his back and mumbled words of comfort and understanding.

“We’re going to figure it out. We’ll find a way. You two deserve to be with each other,” Liam spoke up from across the room. He paced back and forth behind the couches. Zayn shot a look back at Liam, and Liam halted in place. He nodded slightly back at Zayn.

Louis was too distraught to try to puzzle out their silent conversation. He dug his palms into his eyes to try to stop his spinning mind. He needed a drink. He pushed himself off the couch and stumbled his way into the kitchen, grabbing the first bottle he found off the shelf.

As he poured himself a drink, he heard the boys shuffle in behind him.

“Already?” Liam whispered sadly. Louis didn’t even have to turn around to see the frown etched on Liam’s face. He knew they were worried, but alcohol was the only thing making him feel better.

“Yeah. Already,” Louis shot back, downing the drink and pouring another one.

“Come on Louis, you need to have a clear head for Simon,” Zayn tried to reason with him, and his statement made Louis’ hand freeze around his glass.

Louis felt a wave of nausea wash over him as he remembered morning meeting. He knew if he took one look at Simon’s smug face, he would lose it. His hands dropped to his side and clenched into tight fists. His knuckles ached at the movement, but he bit back the pain. He was going to kill Simon.

He whirled around and faced the boys. He could feel the fire in his veins as he breath picked up.

“Yeah, yeah you’re right. Let’s go see Simon,” Louis agreed with them enthusiastically, nodding sharply. He tried to push past them and head to the door, but Liam caught his arm.

“Mate.”

Louis shoved him off and took another step forward, but Liam cut off by moving in front of him.

“ _ Louis _ .” Liam stressed the word, looking down to hold direct eye contact with him.

Louis felt a little calmer just looking at Liam. He tried to match his steady breaths to control himself.

“Can you do this without attacking Simon?” Liam asked him seriously. Louis almost wanted to laugh as he realized this wasn’t the first time Liam had had to ask him that.

“He would deserve it,” Louis argued back. Liam grabbed his shoulders roughly.

“He would, but he’s not worth it,” Liam eyes scanned Louis’ clearly trying to get through to him.

“Think about Harry,” Zayn spoke up softly from behind them. Louis turned at the mention of Harry’s name.

“Harry’s probably confused and sad, and he doesn’t need you scaring him by hurting Simon and getting punished.”

Louis let out a frustrated, shaky breath. He pulled away from Liam and ran his hands through his hair, yanking and pulling at his roots to ground himself. Louis closed his eyes sadly. He knew they were right. He’s lucky he has friends in his life that actually care enough to speak up when he was wrong.

He knew it wasn’t the right choice. He knew hurting Simon would only make things worse. But he also knew that as soon as he saw him, his vision would go red and all control and reason would go out the window.

“I can’t go with you today. Harry needs space, and I can’t control myself around Simon. I honestly think I could kill him right now,” Louis let the words slip out from gritted teeth as he turned to once again face Liam and Zayn. The both immediately nodded in understanding.

“I’ll stay back then, you shouldn’t be alone,” Liam offered, glancing with worry towards the bottle Louis had left on the counter.

“No, no, you both should go. You know today is probably about tour,” Louis immediately shut them down. He had fucked up his and Harry’s life enough, he didn’t need to drag them down too.

Liam looked hesitant, but before he could protest, Zayn laid a hand on his arm and nodded slightly.

“Alright, Lou. We’re going to head out then, okay? Just call if you need anything,” Zayn gave Louis a soft smile. Louis felt relieved that they were going without too much of a fight.

He watched them turn and file down the hallway, towards the door. They both turned to give him one last concerned look before stepping out.

As soon as the door clicked behind them, Louis let out a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. He turned back and wandered into the kitchen in search of the bottle from earlier. He poured himself another drink and tipped it back, but nothing would quell his pounding mind.

He let himself collapse down on one of the island stools and tried to direct his thoughts to anything but Harry and Simon. He tried to picture Liam and Zayn to calm himself down.

He had never seen them like this. Through everything they’d been through, he really had never seen them this concerned. The way they constantly huddled around him, the way they seemed scared to leave him alone- it was all way worse than in the past.

Liam’s brown eyes had been fixed on him since they woke up. He could see sadness deep within them, and his brows were pulled together, mouth fixed in a frown. Looking at him made Louis feel almost sick. He embodied the feeling he was desperately trying to force down inside himself. All he wanted to do was break down and let the grief engulf him, but he knew he had no right feeling sorry for himself. Liam just seemed so upset, that for a second, just a second, Louis almost let that feeling in.

Zayn seemed bothered by it in a different way. He was even quieter than usual. He seemed closed off, but in some moments, Louis could swear he was as angry as him. Every mention of Simon, Zayn’s hands curled into fists. Every shaky breath or tear that left Louis, seemed to only spur him on. When he saw Louis’ bruised knuckles, sure he was concerned, but a little part of him looked like he wanted to join in.

Louis let out a groan and dropped his head to his hands. He felt like he was ruining everything. They were finally in an okay place with Simon, but now he was just dragging everyone else down with him.

He couldn’t even think about Harry. If he let his name wander into his mind, every painful memory he had drowned in alcohol came rushing back. It was easier to focus on the other boys.

He sat, slumped across the counter for who knows how long, trying to block everything out until he was jolted back to reality by his phone buzzing next to him.

He pulled himself out of his mind and answered the call.

“Vas?” He answered the phone roughly with the same opening line that all the boys had adopted. They started it as a joke to mess with Zayn, but at this point, they all said it without even realizing.

“Hey mate, you okay?” Liam’s deep voice rang through the phone. Louis nodded with a sigh and mumbled a yes in reply.

“Simon needs to see you. I’m sorry mate, but he asked if you’d come in after meeting. My driver will take you ok?”

Louis rolled his eyes with a huff. “It’s not like I have a choice.”

He could almost hear Liam’s grimace through the phone. “I can stay if you want.”

“Yeah maybe,” Louis replied, “Liam? How’s Harry?” He was terrified to hear his answer, but he needed to know.

“Haven’t seen him yet. Simon talked to me and Zayn, but the meeting hasn’t started yet. I’m sure they’ll be here-” Liam trailed off, “Niall and Harry are walking up right now.”

“How does he look?” Louis begged Liam to let him know how his boy was doing. Louis mentally reprimanded himself- he wasn’t his anymore. He heard Liam sigh.

“Not great. I’m sorry Lou, but I have to go,” Liam’s words were quiet and gentle.

“Just take care of him for me.”

Louis whimpered out the words before Liam hung up. He knew they had Harry’s back.

Louis turned back to the bottle. If he had to see Simon, he would need this. He tossed a few more glasses back before finally heading to the bathroom to finish getting dressed. He knew he needed to leave soon if he was going to make it on time, and he didn’t need Simon’s bullshit lecture about responsibility.

He tiredly found the stack of clean clothes he had abandoned, and pulled a shirt over his head. He wandered into Liam’s room and grabbed a hoodie- he wouldn’t mind right?- and went in search of his sneakers. His mind was a little fuzzy from the alcohol, but he hadn’t dropped off into tipsy. In Louis’ eyes, this was the perfect alcohol level to deal with management.

Louis’ phone buzzed with a text from Liam’s driver that he was ready for him. The drive to Syco was a blur. Louis was trying to take deep breaths and keep calm as they approached the building that every cell in his body hated. He took his time walking through the lobby.

As the elevator started to rise, so did his anxiety. His chest felt like it was caving in by the time he reached that familiar floor. His hands started shaking, and he decided to take a lap before heading to that prison of a meeting room.

He turned a corner, breaths steading a bit as he got further from the meeting room, but as his eyes rose, his breath stopped completely.

Harry was a bit further down the hallway, slumped against the wall. His hands were digging into his wild hair and even from distance, Louis could see his shoulders shaking.

Without a second thought, Louis tore towards him, sliding to a stop in front of his boy. He immediately dropped to crouch in front of him.

“Hazza? Haz, breathe. Come on, focus on me,” Louis’ voice begged Harry to focus on him, focus on breathing. He didn’t know what happened, but whoever did this to Harry was going to pay. He reached up to slide his hands over Harry’s cheeks and grasp his face firmly.

He tried to urge him to breathe. He’d only seen Harry like this a few times, and every time it broke his heart to see the panic in those green eyes. He watched Harry’s shaky hand reach up and make a pumping motion.

Inhaler. Louis’ eyes widened, and he nodded and dug his hands into his pocket. Louis always tried to keep one in his pocket or bag, just in case an asthma attack hit Harry. After that dreadful day on X-Factor when Harry was left breathless and Louis was left hopeless and terrified, he vowed that he’d never be unprepared again.

Louis thanked whatever gut feeling told him to grab Harry’s inhaler out of his old hoodie before he left. He brought it to Harry’s lips and pushed down, praying it would give him some relief. After a few moments, Harry’s hand reached up and took the inhaler from Louis, hitting it again.

Louis’ worried eyes scanned his face, waiting and hoping to see Harry’s breathing calm down. Harry looked completely exhausted. There were bags under his bloodshot eyes, and his hair was in wild tangles. He felt all-consuming guilt as he looked at the broken boy in front of him. Was he crying because of him? Was this panic attack because of him?

Louis couldn’t stop himself before he slid his thumb across Harry’s cheek, catching the tears coming from his eyes.

“Please. Please don’t cry Haz. I’m sorry,” Louis’ voice came out strained and sad, and he continued to try to explain why he was there. He could barely look Harry in the eye.

“Simon. He was so proud- He was so proud that he finally broke us,” Harry’s sobs stilled as he whispered out the reason behind his breakdown. Louis’ heart dropped. He should’ve been there. He should’ve swallowed his feelings and gone to the meeting. He should’ve protected Harry.

He didn’t even realize that he’d been repeating “I’m so sorry” over and over again until Harry spoke.

“Then why’d you do it?” Harry’s voice was barely above a whisper. Louis couldn’t help but stare at Harry. His mouth opened, the true answer began tumbling out involuntarily before he cut himself off. He couldn’t tell him. He knew he couldn’t, but God he wanted to.

Before his mind could spin too far out of control, he felt Harry’s finger tilting his chin up gently. He tried to blink back his tears. Then Harry leaned forward. His hand found Louis’ neck and pulled him towards him. Louis’ breath caught in his chest. This movement that used to feel so natural, now felt so fragile.

Their lips met, briefly. It was so gentle that Louis could’ve sworn he imagined it. The feeling of Harry made him cry even harder. He tried to keep his breathing steady, but tears streamed down his face as he felt Harry pull away and then lean in again.

Harry’s lips pressed into Louis’ desperately, and whatever control Louis had disappeared in an instant. He kissed him back. He pushed hard against him and let his fingers slide into their familiar place on the back of Harry’s head.

When Harry tugged him forward, Louis wasted no time pulling himself onto his lap. Harry broke their kiss, and his lips found Louis’ neck. He sucked just under his jaw and then kissed his way down to suck again at his collarbone. Louis’ heart was pumping out of his chest at the feeling, and he yanked Harry back up to kiss him with everything he had. He hoped Harry could understand the feelings behind the kiss.

But then, the moment ended. Their little bubble of bliss with no break ups, no sadness, and no Simon was popped as Niall entered the hallway.

They jumped away from each other, and Louis almost whimpered at the loss of contact. Niall had seen them kiss many times, so Harry pushing him away was an apparent reminder of the night before.

“The meeting is over; I came to see if you were okay,” Niall explained his presence in a low voice before cutting eyes at Louis, “But, I guess you're fine.”

His words may have been directed towards Harry, but Louis knew that the tone was meant for him. He ran his hand through his hair, nervous of what the other boys would think. He shouldn’t have kissed him. He wanted to, he needed to, but he shouldn’t have.

He missed Niall’s next words, but they must’ve been instructions to Harry because he began heading down the hallway towards Niall. As he turned the corner, he threw one last look back at Louis, but Louis dropped his eyes before they could meet. He couldn’t take seeing the hurt and confusion that he knew would be mixing with the soft green staring back at him.

Harry and Niall murmured something to each other before Harry disappeared and Niall turned back to face Louis.

Louis crumbled at the confused look on Niall’s face. The tears came pouring down and he slid down the wall to the floor in the spot he found Harry in. Niall came rushing over and wrapped his arms around him. He shushed him quietly, rubbing his hand up and down Louis’ back in soft scratches.

Louis promised himself he’d stop crying, stop feeling sad and sorry for himself- but with one look at Niall’s face, Louis broke.

After some time, Louis got his breath back enough to lean back off Niall’s shoulder.

“I’m not going to ask you if you’re okay because I know you’re not. But I am going to ask you why you and Harry were just kissing,” Niall’s voice was soft and calm. Louis pulled his hand through his hair and shook his head.

“I don’t know, Niall. He was freaking out, crying, he couldn’t breathe. I just- I hugged him. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t leave him like that. It’s my fault,” Louis’ words were barely coherent as he whimpered through his tears.

“I know. I know, but it wasn't your fault. Simon was awful today,” Niall rubbed Louis’ arms and tried to calm him down.

“And then he asked me why I did it, and I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t. And then- then he kissed me. I never thought I’d get to kiss him again,” Louis breathed the last sentence out. His voice was so raw from emotion.

“Why did you do it?” Niall whispered. He met his eyes and urged him on. Louis forgot that Niall didn’t know the story. “I mean, it was Simon, right?” Niall said it like it was obvious.

“Yeah. Yes. He told me, either I left Harry, or he’d kick him out of the band. I won’t let his dream be ruined because of us,” Louis explained, trying to get him to understand that he didn’t want to do it.

Niall’s face dropped. Louis had rarely seen Niall angry, but now he looked like he was fuming. Just as he opened his mouth to respond to Louis’ confession, another voice rang out in the empty hallway.

“There you are.”

Niall and Louis both flinched at the deep voice. Ice spread through Louis’ veins as he turned to see Simon standing further down. As soon as his eyes locked on the smug grin on Simon’s face, the ice switched to fire, and Louis leapt to his feet.

He tore down the hallway and dove into Simon without a second thought, driving him to the ground in a rough tackle.

“Fuck you!” Louis growled roughly as they hit the ground with a hard thud. Simon let out a groan at the impact, and Louis pulled up, pining Simon to the ground in a straddle. Rage was pounding in his ears. The shocked look on Simon’s face paired with the look of terror in his eyes sent a wave of satisfaction through Louis. He looked down at him with a smirk. Who had the power now?

Anger overtook him, and he pulled his arm back to finally make Simon feel some of the pain he’d put the boys through. As he swung forward, he felt arms wrap around his chest and pull him back. He tumbled off of Simon, and Niall’s face appeared in front of him.

“Louis!?” Niall shouted, shocked. Louis tried to push him off with a groan. All he wanted was to feel the crunch of Simon’s nose under his fist. He didn’t give a fuck how sore his hands were from earlier, he just wanted to give Simon a taste of his own medicine.

Niall shoved him down again. “No. What do we always say? He’s not worth it.”

Simon slowly got back to his feet behind him. He winced as he prodded his side. Louis may be small, but he knew Simon would feel that tackle for a few days.

“I’ll have your career for this,” Simon angrily spat out, pointing his finger in accusation at Louis.

“Do I look like I fucking care? God, I’m going to kill you,” Louis' words turned into a snarl as he lunged at Simon again. Niall caught him, clearly pushing him back with all his strength.

“Thank you, Niall. It’s good to see at least one of you boys knows how to act like an adult,” Simon rolled his eyes. His arrogance replaced his fear as he realized Niall wasn’t going to let Louis through.

“Don’t fucking thank me. Every part of me wants to let him go and then join in myself,” Niall snapped at him. His eyes were cold and boring into Simon. He gave Louis one more hard shove and a “don’t fucking move” look, before letting go and turning to face Simon completely.

“You’re not going to tell anyone about what happened here.”

Simon’s eyebrows raised at the sharp tone from the usually happy boy. “Oh? And what makes you think you’re in the position to make demands? I have the power. Your psychotic friend just tried to kill me. I knew we should’ve cut him out of the band as soon as we found out about his little  _ problem _ .”

Niall took two quick steps forward to close the space between them. He stared Simon in the face before responding.

“His little problem? You really hate it so much that you can’t even say the word? Bisexual. There, look, God didn’t smite me down,” Louis had never heard Niall speak to someone like that before. No matter what they’d been through, Niall was always a source of smile and laughter.

Simon tried to speak, but Niall cut him off again. “And you’re wrong, Simon.  _ We  _ have the power. You may be able to control every little thing about our lives, but you’ve gone too far this time. Forcing Harry and Louis apart? Really? Our fans don’t care if we’re gay! You get that right? They love us for us. Nothing would change if people knew the truth.”

A lump started to form in Louis’ throat at his friend’s words. He knew Niall was right. The fans supported them no matter what.

There was even a group of them that called themselves “Larries”. He and Harry spent their free time on the bus watching Larry proof videos and coming up with new clues to leave them. But according to Simon, if they came out, everything would be ruined.

“So yeah Simon, we have the power now. You’ve crossed a line, you’ve taken away their happiness for the last time. If you want to report Louis, leak it to the press, tell every producer we work with that he’s violent, go ahead. But we’ll leave the band. All of us. We’ll walk.”

Simon’s jaw dropped at the threat, but he quickly stiffened again. “You’d give up your careers- your dreams- just to protect Louis? Foolish. Completely foolish. I don’t believe it for a second,” Simon scoffed, but he still took a small step back, trying to gain some space between him and the fuming Irishman in front of him.

Louis’ heart sung in his chest. He didn’t deserve bandmates like that. He was so lucky to have them.

“Of course. We’d do anything to protect each other. When will you understand that? So try us. Seriously, go on and try it. And by the way, we’ll find a way to let Harry and Louis be free. We might end up ruining our careers, but we will sure as hell drag you down with us.”

Simon started a sentence, but cut himself off with a frustrated sigh. He’d never admit that Niall’s words got to him, so he just turned on his heel and stormed off without another word.

Niall turned around, and Louis ran forward to pull him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly.

“Thank you so much,” Louis murmured into Niall’s ear. He could feel his smile widen against his cheek.

“No need to thank me. I love you. I’d do anything for you. All the boys would,” Niall whispered back with a shrug. Louis pulled back, keeping his arms on his shoulders.

“He’s going to kill us for that. Our tour schedule is going to be even worse. He’s going to work us to death, you know that right?” Louis was honestly concerned. Niall became more serious at Louis’ words.

“I know. I know, but it was worth it. I should’ve let you hit him though. One good punch at least.”

Louis took a deep breath and chuckled at Niall's last few words. His heart felt warm knowing that they had his back.

“It’s gonna be a long tour,” Louis mumbled. 

Niall let out a laugh, nodded, and threw his arm around Louis’ shoulders, leading him back towards the elevators. Louis smiled at his friend, feeling like maybe, somehow, they’d get through this.


End file.
